Some of the earliest memories shared by many of us are of laying in the dark wondering what was lurking where we could not see. The image of monsters under the bed or ogres lurking in the closet is an archetypical experience that stays with us throughout our life. While safe and secure under covers, we feared what we could not see – and we lacked the wherewithal to meet our demons head-on.

This phenomenon plays out for millions of people each day. While most adults view fears of the “dark” as a childhood indulgence, how many of us choose to stay safe and secure rather than face the unknown?

What’s Lurking in Your Closet?

The “dark” comes in many adult forms. It may be resistance to allowing yourself to feel and express anger, disappointment, and frustration with your life. After all, if you admit that things are not as you want them to be, then you may be forced to think about changing them. Or perhaps, you would look like a “failure” in the eyes of those around you.

The dark could be the opportunity to open up and pursue an opportunity or to live the life you want because it would require you to do something new with unknown outcomes. Who wants to give up what is okay to pursue something better without knowing it will work?

Or the dark could be the lurking doubts you feel about your worth, value, or ability to do what you truly want to do and to be successful doing it.

Gaining the Courage to Excise Your Demons

What propels people past their fears is crisis – a health issue, a sudden death, divorce, job loss – when at a crossroads with the situation already untenable, facing fear becomes easier as staying put while the monster attacks doesn’t make any sense. Finally forced into action many people find that what they feared all these years is not that menacing.

As I prepare to speak at The American University in Cairo to those who face their fears in Tahrir Square and move the idea of democracy from a dream to a work in progress, I’m inspired by their tenacity and courage. With the Arab Spring thawing the region, they glimpsed the light and used that inspiration as the anchor for their actions.

Sometimes the spark that lights the fire comes from external circumstances and all too often the only place it is to be found is within us. Regardless of where the spark comes from, it’s up to each of us, wherever we are, to find the courage to stoke the fire, overcome the fear, and bring light where there was once dark.

If men and women throughout the Middle East can overthrow decades-old regimes in the name of freedom, then perhaps each one of us can find a way to face what keeps us from being all we can be, break through it and create a world in which we all dream of living.

Kathleen Schafer is founding principal of Leadership Connection and author of Living the Leadership Choice. Connect with Kathleen on Twitter and subscribe to her blog at leadershipconnection.net.

This weekend, take some time to think about these two groups: the people to whom were “born” to (biological or not, each person was reared in a set of circumstances “handed” to them) and the people in your life by choice (this includes your children). Now look at the groups you fall into for others in your life. For example, your children would put you into the former group and not the latter and similarly your parents would put you in the choice group, where you would not put them. By going through this exercise you begin to see how everyone experiences the same thing, longing to be with some, resisting it with others, it is just with different people!

So now comes the leadership choice, how can you be the best of you with both groups? Can you empathize with a parent who wants time with you, which may not be your first choice, in seeing how you would feel if your own child chose another “group” over you? By understanding everyone’s perspective, you are better able to articulate your wishes and perhaps are better able to meet those of others’ in your life. In the end, we want the same thing, to be loved, to be heard, and to belong. Offer that to all those in your life this holiday season and see it come back to you in wonderful ways in the New Year.

Kathleen Schafer is founding principal of Leadership Connection and author of Living the Leadership Choice (release December 2011). Connect with Kathleen on Twitter and read her blog at leadershipconnection.net.

This blog is an excerpt from Kathleen Schafer’s upcoming book Living the Leadership Choice. Join the Leadership Connection community to receive updates and exclusive content.

“It is amazing how much you can accomplish when it doesn’t matter who gets the credit.” – Unknown

Making progress toward achieving a goal is an essential component of effective leadership. No man or woman is an island, and no goal is accomplished alone. Teamwork is vital to success, and in order to create effective teams, each participant must play a leadership role in the process of change. When you bring a new understanding of leadership to the group dynamic, things immediately begin to shift.

People have been socialized to stake out their territory, protect their turf, and create fiefdoms of power all in the pursuit of exercising their leadership. Unfortunately, this approach only creates animosity, discomfort, and chaos amongst the group. How many examples can you think of where a noble goal was left unmet simply because the team members were unable to get past their warped understanding of leadership and created such havoc that nothing was accomplished?

By making the leadership choice as you begin the group process, you have made an important leadership move by offering a new paradigm for how the group works together. Through the identification of the various talents and skills at the table and the willingness to allow those with the necessary tools to lead at the appropriate time, you have unleashed the power of the team and the result may surprise you!

Leading and being the best of who you are in every moment is the way to reach goals and inspire each member of the team to bring their best to the table.

So for today consider these questions: How do you typically participate in a team? What talents and skills do you like to bring? Do you allow them to be utilized in the best possible way? How can you be more effective as a leader on a team? And with your answers, look for new ways to engage in the teams in which you work, live, and play. By choosing to fully participate, you will see interesting results that will inspire others and may even surprise you!

Kathleen Schafer is founding principal of Leadership Connection and author of Living the Leadership Choice (release December 2011). Connect with Kathleen on Twitter and read her blog at leadershipconnection.net.

The classroom issues of children from economically challenged households are well documented: less stimulation as babies and infants, delayed enrollment in early childhood education, less emphasis and support for academic achievement, less access to learning aides such as computers, etc. In traditional classrooms that emphasize standardized testing, compliance and assembly line progression through topics, children from these homes are hopelessly behind before they even start and will struggle to catch-up through most of their school days.

The insidious side of this educational head-in-the-sand posture is not just the federal policies that exacerbate the problem, it’s that these policies are entrenching an education system that works for no one – economically challenged or not. How often do we see discussions about the massive changes in the way we work and yet the methods used to educate our children are hardly different from when we were an agrarian and industrial nation? Would you want to sit in a classroom all day and listen to someone lecture at you on a chalkboard armed only with a pencil and paper? For kids stuck in outmoded environs they spend their days waiting to be released so they can text, surf, and Facebook, at least for those who can afford it.  In the information age our education system is not only antiquated, it is downright boring.

If helping children from poor school districts was not enough incentive to improve our education system, perhaps the fact that we are failing all our children will light a fire under someone. In our fast moving, digital, online world the traditional classroom is quickly becoming obsolete and those with parents who have the resources are finding learning opportunities outside of school to effectively teach their children. Within the past week alone, I have had several spontaneous conversations with parents who are aggressively looking for alternatives to traditional public school.

With technological advances, educational alternatives are growing. We have already lost the vast majority of the economic elite to private institutions once the purview of only the very wealthy. If the upper middle class joins the exodus from public education it will not only be devastating for our schools it will devastate our economy and society as well, because without a vast majority of all children getting a quality education we cannot survive as an economically prosperous nation.

Radically reinventing education doesn’t have to cost more money. What we have to do is to better serve the learning styles and lifestyles of children of the 21st century. Ironically, by shifting from autocratic learning to a system based on individual mastery, it will serve all children because no longer will there be some arbitrary lines established simply by age, rather all children will excel and be supported based on their proficiencies.

I have no doubt we have the talent and skill as a nation to achieve these classroom reforms quickly – although I wonder if we have the political will to insist that it happen. Want a prosperous future?  Creating a better education system is our only way there.

Kathleen Schafer is founding principal of Leadership Connection and author of Living the Leadership Choice (release December 2011). Connect with Kathleen on Twitter and read her blog at leadershipconnection.net.

The most recent example of this was Cook political reporter David Wasserman’s piece in the Washington Post, Will the Election of 2012 be a Contest of Whole Foods vs. Cracker Barrel Shoppers? In the article, he correlates voting patterns to locations of two of the country’s most profitable grocery and eating establishments; and without too much mystery discussed how more affluent, educated Whole Food shoppers tended to vote Democratic while those who frequented ex-urban and rural Cracker Barrels preferred Republicans. His point in using “microtargeting” to understand voting patterns was to look at which voting groups are up for grabs in the upcoming election.

I, however, found two other interesting pieces to this story. First, is the surprise I found in the online comments and the vitriol between the Whole Foods shoppers and Cracker Barrel customers. Distain is a kind term for what transpired and a sad commentary on how real life is starting to mimic cable news. Second, is that with the technology that has allowed people to dissect a certain group’s behavior are we creating unnecessary barriers that keep our country from being able to come together and build solutions around tough issues?

Are you aware of the impact of your actions?

If you at all familiar with my work, you know that I believe there’s much more our elected leaders can be doing to exemplify leadership that moves beyond partisan victory to policy success AND if as citizens of this country we are behaving just as our representatives then is it any surprise that the trend will continue? Do we really need to choose between the two? Does it make a difference if some people like Cracker Barrel food and others want a $10 bottle of pomegranate juice?

Perhaps the first step we can take as a nation in addressing the serious problems we face is to stop demonizing people who are not like us. My guess is that there are many Whole Foods shoppers who are sacrificing in other areas of their life to buy groceries they feel are most healthful for their families. And there are plenty of people in rural areas who enjoy fresh produce and a trip to the Cracker Barrel offers great meals and a break from the kitchen – and whatever the case, does it matter why someone chooses one over the other?

If each person becomes aware of the impact their actions have on others, perhaps we can begin to change our communities by building consensus instead of dissention. And if our elected officials truly want to change the tone of Washington, speaking only to the voters that agree with them and against those who don’t is not the way to do it. Yes, there is a formula for winning a campaign and choosing to target one group or another – and we see the results of those strategies. If we want something different to happen in 2013, then perhaps we the people need to start doing something different now.

3 Easy Ways to Start Living the Leadership Choice

1. Observe how often people in the media, friends, family, sales clerks, etc., make a derogatory comment about another person or group. You will be surprised how often it happens.
2. Notice your own pattern of behavior when you observe this occurring. Do you jump on their bandwagon?
3. Resolve to make a change and then act. The next time this happens, perhaps you can provide a comment or insight to help the other person see the commonality and not the differences. In any case, I guarantee you will feel better by not simply going along with the group think.

How many people do we need to create a different way of thinking about issues? Who knows and it’s far fewer than we think. In ratcheting down the vitriol, we have at least opened the door to greater understanding and perhaps a way to really listen to each other. Then, and only then, will we craft solutions that work for everyone and will move our country in the direction everyone wants to see.

Kathleen Schafer is founding principal of Leadership Connection and author of Living the Leadership Choice (release December 2011). Connect with Kathleen on Twitter and read her blog at leadershipconnection.net.

First, is the fear that there’s some elusive leadership quality that they were not born with like Michael Jordan’s athleticism or Albert Einstein’s intelligence. Second, is the hope that they can learn what it takes to be an effective leader to compensate for any genetic deficiencies. Fortunately, the answer allows everyone to breathe easier as anyone who wants to be a leader can make that choice.

Make the Leadership Choice. And Live It.

Everyone has talents, strengths, and abilities that combined with their passion makes them unique.  The key is to understand what special qualities each person brings to the world and to be willing to share them with others so that they can be seen and valued. Many people hide their gifts because they fear others won’t appreciate them or see their value – and until each person is willing to walk them in the world, it’s impossible for others to appreciate what they have to offer.

It’s the choice we make about what we do with our gifts that differentiate leaders from the rest of the pack. Leadership is not about having a certain set of skills; it’s about exemplifying the best of what each person has and putting it into the world. Often a very narrow definition of a leader permeates our view, i.e., authoritative, outspoken, definitive, strong, etc. And while people with natural inclinations in these areas tend to find themselves in leadership roles more than others, it’s not because we don’t need other types of leaders, it’s because we are socialize to look at certain skills in that light.

As a recent blog on leadership choice by the Lead Change Group points out, there are many people in “positions of leadership” who are not choosing to be leaders. For the rest of us, it means that even though we may not be in positions of authority, we can choose to be leaders.

Kathleen Schafer is founding principal of Leadership Connection and author of Living the Leadership Choice (release December 2011). Connect with Kathleen on Twitter and read her blog at leadershipconnection.net.

  - Neale Donald Walsch

During the last month of the year, our thoughts are not only on the holidays, but also on the gifts that often define the season. Even though our adult selves may have put aside some of the “childish” excitement we used to have in anticipation of desired objects, there may be something to learn by reconnecting to that lost eagerness of unwrapping a gift.

This weekend, take a few moments to think of the one thing (object or not) that you would simply love to receive this holiday season. Picture it in full detail in your mind’s eye. Once you have a clear idea of your heart’s desire, ask yourself, “why does this mean so much to me?” Don’t filter your answer, simply let it come to you.

As adults, we have become very adept at creating a façade. The gift you want likely touches on the authentic self, hidden away. The more you take time to connect to your core, the more that the decisions you make in all your life will be based on who you really are and the better your life will become.

Have fun this weekend and start dreaming of those wonderful gifts, inside and out!

Kathleen Schafer is founding principal of Leadership Connection and author of Living the Leadership Choice (release December 2011). Connect with Kathleen on Twitter and read her blog at leadershipconnection.net.

One need not get into the details put forth in the President’s speech, or those of his potential Republican opponents, to know that by staking a position as a “defender” of one group, you automatically put those on the “other” side into an adversarial position.

Do we really need any more arguments? Are entrenched positions the way to create consensus? Has anyone in Washington paid attention to the depressing dynamics the Super Committee laid bare?

While the automatic Republican criticisms of his speech were assumed, they point out that if all these issues mattered so much to this administration, why wasn’t he doing more about it? Well, perhaps because every attempt to move forward on policy is met by hostile Republicans dead set on stopping any hint of progress lest Obama and the Democrats get any credit for actually doing anything. (So noted, that the same dynamic exists in the reverse.)

If we are going to address these issues, then it will take at least one leader who is willing to put aside the allure of reelection in favor of actual leadership. Governance is not about the art of conquering the opposing side; it is about the opportunity to create real change. And if America wants to change what we see on the front page and out our front doors then perhaps we need to start looking for leaders intent on solutions and not adulation.

So, my advice Mr. President is to stop running now and start leading today. You may be surprised to find that in letting go of the “prize” you will actually accomplish something even greater – real change and a country who is truly excited to see you lead during a second term.

Kathleen Schafer is founding principal of Leadership Connection and author of Living the Leadership Choice (release December 2011). Connect with Kathleen on Twitter and read her blog at leadershipconnection.net.

The phenomenon should come as no surprise given two facts:

1. Most voters are not clear about the leadership qualities they wish to see exhibited in candidates, let alone officeholders; and
2. The electorate is still largely comprised of hopeful souls who believe that a (fill in the blank) president, senator, governor, etc., can actually change something they themselves are not committed to fixing.

I too long for a candidate that can raise my spirits and make me believe the impossible. It would be wonderful to find someone who could magically change the way Washington works, fix our economy, and fund our schools. Unfortunately, we cannot seek solutions not found in packaged rhetoric, it will only come to fruition through the thoughtful engagement of our citizens in creating solutions we not only aspire to, but are committed to ensuring through our daily actions.

As long as politicians can, they will tell us what we want to hear. Until we stop falling for their pick-up lines, we will continue to be disappointed with what they really look like in the morning – and we will be all too willing to move on to the next, better-looking candidate.

Kathleen Schafer is founding principal of Leadership Connection and author of Living the Leadership Choice (release December 2011). Connect with Kathleen on Twitter and read her blog at leadershipconnection.net.