What Frustration Tells Us

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By: Kathleen Schafer, Founding Principal-Leadership Connection

Frustration: 1) being upset or annoyed, especially because of the inability to change or achieve something 2) the prevention of progress, success or fulfillment of something

Have you ever been frustrated? If you are breathing, you’ve likely experienced this emotion and with all the changes in our world–it may be an emotion with which you are becoming all too familiar.

Think about the definitions of frustration through the prism of today’s politics. The first describes the mood of the conservative side of the electorate during this campaign cycle. Having felt resoundingly trounced two-years ago and left out during the intervening period, the Tea Party is the manifestation of the deep-seated frustration of not being able to change the errant ways of spend-happy Democrats.

The second definition sounds like what the left side of the fence is expressing. Two years ago, they were filled with great hope by a new President, whose strong vision would supposed to lift us beyond the partisan gridlock that leaves too many locked out of the American Dream–a hope blustered by majorities in both the House and Senate. They are now left feeling frustrated by a situation in which their dreams of success have been squelched by an intractably partisan system.

Where does that leave us as a country? From a leadership perspective, the current frustration will either create an immense implosion of our political system and all it is supposed to serve or it will be the impetus for finally changing how we participate in public life.

First, the less attractive option . . . How much longer will our political system, our economic system, our education, health care, transportation systems be able to survive our complete inability to move forward collectively. With Speaker-in-Waiting John Boehner’s stated objective being to undo the Obama health care reforms, what forward movement will be created by a system of mutual partisan frustration that simply leads one side to undo what has just been done? When the feelings of acrimony, discontent and distrust run so high, collaboration is laughable. What lasting policies can de developed to significantly address these pressing issues? It can’t; it won’t; and the frustration will only grow beyond its already untenable level.

So for the leadership choice . . . how can we do it differently? We can lower the level of frustration by actually creating change and making progress toward real solutions. It will mean that we (the people)–everyone who lives, works, and operates within our society–will need to decide that it is time to stop the superficial partisan posturing and begin building from our common values and places of mutual agreement. It will mean turning away from the voices that only stoke the fires of frustration. It means changing our focus from the superficial to what really matters, those things that bind us together–not separate us. It will mean opening up to new ideas, new ways of thinking, and a quality of communication that values all views and works with them.

Can it be done? Who knows, enough people would need to make the leadership choice. The question becomes how you will use your voice. Will you use it to frustrate the issue or will you choose to lead? If we don’t begin making a different choice, the road of frustration is going to lead us to place where no one wants to be.

Making the Leadership Choice

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By: Chris W. Bell, Director of Interactive Learning-Leadership Connection

Many times when I am speaking with others about Leadership Connection, people ask me if leadership ability can be developed. My answer is always an emphatic YES!. Most people doubt they can develop their own leadership ability because they hold some false ideas about leadership. As you learn a proper perspective on leadership, you will see the concrete steps you can take to become a better leader.

Leadership itself is the choice to bring all of yourself to a given situation and to be open to and to solicit the best parts of those around you. Inside Leadership Connection, we talk about the concept of bringing all of yourself to a situation when we speak of the Authentic Self. The Authentic Self is you, when you are aware of and in tune with your passions, talents and abilities. As you become clearer on what you are passionate about, and deepen your understanding of how your personality and experience combine to make you unique, you become better equipped to make the choice to lead. You are unique and this uniqueness gives you something to offer and creates your capacity to lead.

The people we think of as great leaders have made making the leadership choice a habit. What Leadership Connection does is to show you a process for developing the same habit. The process we use to help you develop your leadership ability can be broadly stated as:

• Helping uncover the Authentic Self.
• Clarifying the Desired Change you wish to make.
• Structuring your life to create an Alignment of Purpose.
• Teaching tactical Leadership Skills.
• Building groups and increasing Group Efficacy.

Over the next several weeks, we will be engaging you in the Leadership Connection process to help you make the leadership choice a part of your daily life. We will also expose some of the common leadership myths to help you exercise a higher level of influence. Like any good coach, we help you by asking you the right questions to engage you in uncovering the leadership ability you have buried inside yourself. I encourage you to keep a journal to record your responses and reactions to the questions we will ask.

Leadership Connection has many tools to support you as we walk through this process together. You can listen to Kathleen Schafer describe what she has learned in 20 years of helping others develop their leadership abilities in our Conversations with Kathleen podcast. Email your leadership questions to askkathleen@leadershipconnection.net. For more encouragement as you engage this process, check out the leadership tools we offer on the Leadership Connection website or join our conversation on Facebook or Twitter.

Creativity without competition is a key to happiness

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By: Kathleen Schafer, Founding Principle-Leadership Connection

What I have learned so far, is that Creation is a common experience that everybody is sharing, yet it speaks individually to every single soul.  That’s the genius of it.  –Jim Carrey

People often tend to view comedians, athletes and rock stars as those lucky few who get to use their creativity as the cornerstone of their careers.  And what a wonderful way to do it, on big stages, in front of admiring crowds earning millions of dollars?!  The problem, as is evidenced by the rejected contestant on any number of reality shows, is that we have come to believe that if we are not “the best” or “number one” our creativity is worthless; forcing people to find other ways to earn incomes and live lives that are less than optimal.

As Jim Carrey touched on, each one of us has something about which we are passionate and we have a collection of talents and skills that combine to make us unique.  Yes, unique–there is something that each person has within himself or herself to create and give to the world that no other person can.  In other words, you have something to offer that without you doing it, would simply not exist in the world.

By this point in a coaching session, the client starts to protest . . . “everyone can __________ (write a book, create an event, give speech, cook, paint . . .)” and I say, “Yes, AND only YOU can do it YOUR way, based on your experiences, your point-of-view, and with your talents.  And guess what . . . you don’t have to be the “best” at it to succeed.  While competition is fun and a hallmark of our society, it has turned into a reason why people don’t even try.

What is the best, anyway?  Who gets to decide?  A few judges? A fraction of a second on clock?  The person who scored the last shot, in the last game between two essentially equal teams?  If we savor the journey and the joy of walking down the path, what difference does it make who “wins” in just one moment.  Sure it feels great for the moment, and like everything in our lives, in a moment it is gone and the next journey has begun. Learning to be present and live in the creativity of the journey we will create more winning moments.

We all share the ability to experience joy when we allow our creativity and passion to come through–that is one of the greatest traits that make us human.  What too many of us have failed to do is to allow ourselves to express that creativity as an intergral part of our lives.  Today, think about what brings that feeling of sheer pleasure to you. What is it that you love to create?  What have you been hiding?  And isn’t it time that you allowed yourself to create a life and career that allows you to bring that joy into the world?

How to lead in conflict

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By: Chris W. Bell, Director of Interactive Learning-Leadership Connection

What do you picture when you think of conflict?

Most people automatically associate conflict with a fight or a war. Faced with such challenges, it’s no wonder many individuals fail to reach their full potential because they are afraid of conflict. If you desire to lead, don’t fear conflict, but rather embrace it as the opportunity that it is.

Conflict is natural and unavoidable because you are dealing with two or more people who bring different experiences and expectations to the table. The experience of conflict doesn’t have to be angry or nasty. Because each has different experiences, and thus unique skills and talents to share, conflict can be an opportunity to find a better way to function. To unleash the power of conflict, realize your true responsibility as a leader.

As a leader, it is not your responsibility to be better than or above those on your team, it is your responsibility to empower them and unleash their talents, passions and strengths. Negative conflict is usually a result of win-lose thinking: There can only be one right answer, so obviously you are wrong. Help turn conflict into a growth opportunity by helping your teammates see their own uniqueness and what they have to offer. If their own strengths are recognized and they are praised for their contribution to the overall team mission, they are more likely to listen to ideas of others. When team members assert their ideas, focus on the positive aspects and on your appreciation of their willingness to share. This fosters the communication environment that makes win-win thinking possible.

Your goal as a leader is to find the best way to meet the needs of those in your group. Seek to understand the needs driving the conflict and use all available information to address those underlying needs. Don’t get caught up in ego and the How. Spend most of your energy on the Why. Pay attention to the temperament of your teammates, make sure you are focused on their emotions, needs and motivations. As people feel heard and understood, they will drop the defenses they have built up over time and will be freed up to contribute their best efforts. As a leader you will be more effective, more respected, and and your brand of leadership will always be in demand.

What makes Leadership Connection unique?

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By: Kathleen Schafer, Founding Principle-Leadership Connection

“Do one thing everyday that scares you.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

Being engaged in the study and teaching of leadership for the past 20 years, I have seen a great transition as more and more consultants have entered the field.  Once the provence of corporate executives,  leadership has become ubiquitous as thousands now offer services designed to help people become more effective in their life. With this flooding of the industry, comes the inevitable question . . . What makes Leadership Connection unique? This blog is part of that answer.

At Leadership Connection, we subscribe to simplicity . . . we do not offer a complex set of learnings and exercises designed to keep you tied to our services.  Quite the contrary. We offer guided support for YOU to unearth your natural leadership talents and the power you have to create change in your life. You know deep down who you are, you know what you love, what you want to do and what brings you joy; we simply offer the opportunity for you to re-discover what the world has taught you to forget.

We believe until a person is clear about who they are, what they want and how they wish to serve others in the real world, it is impossible to “go out” and achieve your goals in a real and meaningful way. That’s ultimately the difference between our services and many others–you can say you want to achieve a goal, want your organization to run efficiently, want to change or do things better AND until you are willing to adapt all those objectives for yourself and your life you will be swimming upstream.

Which brings us back to the Eleanor Roosevelt quote to do something every day that scares us, because for most of us, achieving what we really want in life, often involves letting go of what someone else told us should make us happy. Going against conventional wisdom is terrifying . . . it means living authentically, it means being ourself and it often means that choice initially scares others because as your life changes so will theirs.

Which is why real leadership is about conducting yourself in the same way you want others around you to conduct themselves. You can’t ask your staff to be more focused if you are not willing to be more focused. You can’t critique others’ performance if you aren’t willing to engage in self-reflection and development. And you certainly can’t ask your constituents to support change if you won’t do the same.

If you are serious about wanting to change yourself, your organization, your community or your society–we are here to support you. As long as you understand working with us means things around you will change and the path of that change depends on your willingness to engage in it yourself–which is a life long process.

In future blogs I will discuss how I live this process and the dramatic, sometimes wonderful, sometimes very difficult changes it has brought to my life. I will leave you with a thought that embodies this sentiment:

I am happy as my work and my life have become one.

Find the Authentic Candidate and You’ll Have Found a Leader

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By: Kathleen Schafer, Founding Principle-Leadership Connection

Where have all the leaders gone?

Voters ask this question frequently during an election cycle there is never a good answer. While there are many reasons for paucity of leadership coming out of Washington these days, a good one to examine during the mid-term elections is how most candidates get to Capitol Hill.

Since the mid-1970’s, the professionalization of politics has become big business for the hoards of consultants that support their campaigns, and I should know, because for years I was one. Mirroring that consultant explosion has been the emergence of the parties’ campaign committees as the gatekeeper of access and the ever-important flow of money that determines if candidates will be taken seriously—or not. The effect of this “partnership” between the campaign committees and the professionals that support campaigns is a homogenization of message and a centralization of control that is squeezing any chance of authenticity out of candidates and their campaigns.

Having worked with candidates for 20 years, I can honestly say that 95 percent of those choosing to run for office have at their core a sincere desire to create change and to bring their talents and skills to the office they seek. I will also say that beyond a shadow of a doubt, our current campaign system fails to honor the basic integrity those individuals wish to bring to elective office, by putting them in a labyrinth of message, money and consultants and telling them the only way to success is to be quiet and follow them. (This is one of the key reasons more women are not running for office and a topic I will explore in later blogs.)

The result is that candidates feel there is only one way to success—sit down, shut up and let the “system” work. When it “works,” and these candidates win office, is it any wonder they have lost sight of the values that compelled them to run in the first place? They have become players in a system that rewards compliance with party leadership and spurns individuality. Is there any question why we don’t have elected officials that actually lead?

My sincere hope for all candidates is that they listen to who they truly are and they communicate that to the electorate. Yes, jobs are a big issue in the 2010 elections and not every piece of that issue will inspire every candidate. What is the piece of that issue that you feel reflects your values and aspirations? Are you the small business person who wants to maintain the integrity of small towns? Are you the former line employee turned labor leader who understands what it’s like to face job loss and transition? Are you the teacher who knows education is the key to our future job growth? Whatever it is that draws you to public service, use your experience, your integrity and your life as an example of the change you want to create.

Once candidates become authentic communicators and talk openly in their campaigns two key things will happen: first, they connect with their future constituents around issues on which they want to go to Washington and take a leadership position, in other words they lay the groundwork for the legislative agenda they will pursue; second, they demonstrate leadership in an authentic way so even when there are issues in which a particular voter may not agree with the official, the voter will be much more willing to vote for the candidate because they will believe in their leadership on the key items they are passionate about and campaigning on. So many candidates get pulled into debates on issues from the ideological ends of the political spectrum and on which they will have little or no impact. Let’s give voters the opportunity to choose leaders based on the issues they are really going to Washington to pursue.

Authenticity doesn’t mean being naked in front of your audience, and it doesn’t mean spurning your party—it means being real—and only those that are clear about who they are and what they wish to accomplish will actually do it.

The Importance of Rest and Renewal

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By: Chris W. Bell, Director of Interactive Learning-Leadership Connection

“Leadership is managing energy in yourself first — then inspiring others to take action to improve their lives.”

If you aspire to inspire, you must first learn how to manage yourself. Self-management, like any exercise, has two distinct parts: work and rest. Both are important in learning how to lead. You need to know how to get things done because you can’t be a competent leader unless you have competence in your chosen area. Also, if you don’t know how to rest, you’ll burn out and not have the energy to see things through the long haul. Remember that leadership is a marathon and not a sprint. Knowing how to renew and grow your energy will help you better serve others and ultimately lead them.

I bet you never thought you would ever need to read an article on how to rest. That’s supposed to come naturally, right? Most people never rest appropriately and consequently, they wonder why they don’t have the energy to do the things they tell themselves they want to or should do. If you want to be your best and do your best, honor the four components of yourself as a whole person: the physical, the mental, the social/emotional and the spiritual.

Physical:

• The food you put in your body is the fuel for everything else that you do. If you put low grade fuel in a car, you get knocks and misfiring. If you put low grade fuel in yourself, don’t expect anything better. Do you give your body the fuel it needs on a daily basis?

• The body has to be taken care of. Adequate exercise not only keeps the body in shape, it provides energy and stamina and lowers stress levels. During exercise endorphins are released into the bloodstream and can even fight depression.

Mental:

• Feeding your mind new information is just as important as feeding your body with nutritious food. The average American hasn’t read a non-fiction book since high school or college.  Reading builds your own knowledge and boosts your creative abilities. Because you cannot give from an empty well, make a plan to grow your storehouses. With information so easy to come by with online resources, colleges and universities, and libraries, there is no excuse to stop feeding your mind.

Social/Emotional:

• Man was not meant to be a solitary creature. Socializing helps us nurture the intrinsic needs within all of us to belong and to love and be loved. To fill those needs within you, surround yourself with people who are pleasant to be around and who nurture you. Join a book club or a service organization that allows you to come together and serve others’ needs. I’ve always been surprised by how much energy I have after doing volunteer work. The great paradox of giving is that the more of yourself you give away, the greater your capacity to give becomes.

Spiritual:

• Taking time to look inward is one of the most important things a leader can do. Intuition is a powerful tool, and it must be nurtured through study and meditation. Leaders understand that to lead others we connect with what is alive in them. The root of our humanity connects us all and is the part that is capable of being inspired. To nurture your spiritual self: attend the service of your faith, meditate on the source of inspiration, clarify your own values and read the works of visionaries like Ghandi or Martin Luther King.

Nurture the four parts of your nature on a daily, or at least weekly basis. The more you can attend to those needs within yourself, the more energy you will have to do the other work leadership requires.

Obama’s 100 Days: The Rational Peacemaker Needs To Be More of Himself

The quadrennial exercise of assessing a new president’s term by his first 100 days takes place tomorrow and never has the report card been so eagerly awaited as it is for President Obama. While there will be much discussion around his policies and their progress, his appointments, his race and his family, perhaps the issue that will receive little attention is how his leadership style is impacting all these elements of his life and how with greater awareness of his strengths he will be able to accomplish much more of what he wants to do. President Obama brings a strategic intelligence to the office–a style that has not occupied the Oval Office since President Eisenhower. The gift that Obama brings, and the nation desperately needs, is that of the foresight to redevelop systems that no longer work and to see the possibility of what can be created when we leave behind the rules and regulations that no longer serve their purpose. From the auto industry to Wall Street to our health care system, the mainstays of the American economic, indeed our entire way of life, are threatened by our resistance to change and the need to modernize. And most importantly, it is not just the mechanics of the systems that need updating, so too does our way of thinking about the quality of our lives and how we live them. Since some of his first cabinet picks went by the wayside as the public learned that they were unable to follow the rules that do exist, President Obama has demonstrated that he is able to see the bigger picture and is willing to follow his gut when the details do not necessarily support his impressions. The key for his success is to understand two fundamental points about his leadership: First, he is not a detail person, nor is he much interested in the day-to-day details of implementation, which is helpful for what we need from a President now. The challenge for him is to understand his inclination to pass over “the small stuff” and to know that he needs to be aware and the keep the counsel of the deatiled leadership around him. Second, he needs to recognize in his desire to stay “above the fray” that too often he has failed to put his own stamp, to make clear his vision and intentions to others and to allow ALL the details to fall to underlings. If President Obama is to succeed, he must hold his key advisers accountable for making progress and on his goals and HE must be willing to go to bat to make sure they happen if they are important to him–even if it means engaging others who might not necessarily hold the same view. One-hundred days is hardly enough time to assess a presidency and yet we do it. So far he has managed to move our country forward on the power of his personality and vision . . . if he is to continue to succeed he will need to put the best of his leadership talents into action and really make something happen!

Why Change is Difficult

Change has been a buzzword since President Obama rode it to victory in last fall’s election. And while he has been credited with being the one to bring it to the American political system (which he indeed has) it was really the public that was demanding change in the systems that are so entrenched in our society. Every six or seven decades the American public recognizes that it needs help in re-inventing the systems that govern our lives. With the collapse of the banking, housing and automobile industries we are once again reminded that our history is to wait until catastrophy strikes before making the changes we need to make. “Why is change so difficult?” asks one of my students attempting to understand the challenges before many leaders. The simple answer is because no one has the ability to change anyone else. A leader has two choices: one, is to entice change out of people through the carrot or stick method or two, is to inspire people by demonstrating the ideals, behaviors and goals they wish to achieve. What so many of us want is for someone else to do the changing so that it won’t seem so daunting for us. Which really brings us back to the key idea . . . change happens and leaders are born when an individual stands up and decides that they are going to do something different. When that person changes themselves then they are able to ‘walk their talk’ and show others how. And by doing that leadership becomes as easy as breathing . . .Take a deep breath and give it a try . . . inspire others by giving your gifts to the world because your country and your President need your help!!