Leadership Myth #1: As a leader, I must change other people

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By: Kathleen Schafer, Founding Principal-Leadership Connection

As I work with clients and students, I have come understand some of the things people think about leadership stand in the way of leading. From time to time, I like to discuss these false notions of leadership in order to debunk the myths that keep us from achieving our full leadership potential. In our current social and political climates we hear a lot of talk about getting people to “do the right thing.”

Leadership Myth: As a leader, I must change other people

Many prospective leaders believe they have a responsibility to make others do something the leader believes would contribute to forward movement. In the name of progress, these leaders end up following a strategy that will never meet their need for change. In their zeal, they attempt to meet the needs of the group by sacrificing the people who make up the group. This may work in the short-run, but it has disastrous long-term results.

To put it plainly, it is not difficult to make people change–it’s impossible!  You cannot make anyone do anything. In fact, the only thing you can do is make them wish they had. Ultimately, it’s up to each person to decide to act. The reasons for action vary from person to person, but taking the action is always the choice of the individual. Our true power comes from recognizing we each have a choice in the actions we take. Once we accept the premise that individual choice governs action, the notion of leadership takes on a whole new meaning.

If we respect the power of “inner choice” as the key to change, we begin to see the leadership role as not being responsible for making the change, rather it becomes the responsibility to articulate the choices available and empowering others to exercise their ability to choose. If we as leaders relieve ourselves of the responsibility for the outcome of individual choice and merely become the vehicle to offer the option for change, we unleash the power of our vision, passion and skills and allow others to join in–or not.  Successful leadership isn’t about the immediate (and impossible) responsibility of changing others, it is the freedom to be our best, to articulate our vision and to offer choice–which is infinitely easier, and a lot more enjoyable.

It’s empowering to relieve ourselves from the responsibility of how others respond to us in the immediate and allow our leadership to draw those that feel the same way to us!

If we choose not to buy into this leadership myth, the choice to change becomes a personal responsibly and those who choose to join us are motivated in a real, sincere way.  There’s no longer a need to cajole, manipulate, or dominate the group, because the people who are there have chosen to participate . . . leadership then becomes about how best to organize the talent gathered at the table to bring the vision into reality.

Leadership can be enjoyable, light and easy when we let go of the weight of responsibility for changing others.  By emulating the change we wish to create, we allow others to do the same. The choices they make ensure the people on your team are internally motivated by their own leadership strengths and their own choices, which empowers them to give you their best efforts to achieving the vision.

Changing people become easy when you support them in helping them change themselves.