How to lead in conflict

By: Chris W. Bell, Director of Interactive Learning-Leadership Connection

What do you picture when you think of conflict?

Most people automatically associate conflict with a fight or a war. Faced with such challenges, it’s no wonder many individuals fail to reach their full potential because they are afraid of conflict. If you desire to lead, don’t fear conflict, but rather embrace it as the opportunity that it is.

Conflict is natural and unavoidable because you are dealing with two or more people who bring different experiences and expectations to the table. The experience of conflict doesn’t have to be angry or nasty. Because each has different experiences, and thus unique skills and talents to share, conflict can be an opportunity to find a better way to function. To unleash the power of conflict, realize your true responsibility as a leader.

As a leader, it is not your responsibility to be better than or above those on your team, it is your responsibility to empower them and unleash their talents, passions and strengths. Negative conflict is usually a result of win-lose thinking: There can only be one right answer, so obviously you are wrong. Help turn conflict into a growth opportunity by helping your teammates see their own uniqueness and what they have to offer. If their own strengths are recognized and they are praised for their contribution to the overall team mission, they are more likely to listen to ideas of others. When team members assert their ideas, focus on the positive aspects and on your appreciation of their willingness to share. This fosters the communication environment that makes win-win thinking possible.

Your goal as a leader is to find the best way to meet the needs of those in your group. Seek to understand the needs driving the conflict and use all available information to address those underlying needs. Don’t get caught up in ego and the How. Spend most of your energy on the Why. Pay attention to the temperament of your teammates, make sure you are focused on their emotions, needs and motivations. As people feel heard and understood, they will drop the defenses they have built up over time and will be freed up to contribute their best efforts. As a leader you will be more effective, more respected, and and your brand of leadership will always be in demand.